And it's hard to accept yourself as someone You don't desire as someone you don't want to be

What song makes you think about the future?

🔮 Well of course I was seconds ago humming a song from the Batman soundtrack on which the first track is The Future when I decided to open CrucialTracks and saw a prompt prompting me about The Future.

Found this when I went down an Apple Music rabbit hole, and it is just amazing as it looks. I feel like I deserve a medal for sharing this. I’ll say it: you’re welcome.

What song makes you feel like you're part of something bigger?

People have asked, "Why do you listen to sad music?" I listen to a song like this because a song like this shows me the beauty of our shared human experience, even when that beauty is shrouded in pain, loss, and suffering. I listen so I'm not alone, even when I'm by myself.

What song feels like a secret between you and the artist?

Flying over Chicago from New Mexico, I heard him -- him who lives near the 7-eleven, fork in hand at a dead dinner table, staring at the peas on his plate going, "come in lemon pie do you read me do you read me? Beam me up, get me out of this place, I can't have their genes in me. Come in lemon pie." -- I read you buddy.

I had won an essay contest and scored a front row seat upgrade. I went by myself, from Columbus to Chicago. You can hear me yell, “Wooo!” at 0:09 when I realized she was going to play it. Sometimes she played sitting on the piano bench facing us, arms stretched out, on one side playing piano, on the other playing the keyboard.

Under the Pink songbook illustration & concert photo from yessaid.com.

What’s your favorite track one on a debut album?

Ma-ma-se, ma-ma-sa, ma-ma-coo-sa.

What’s a hidden gem you wish more people knew about?

I haven’t kept up with them as much as I should, but this local band knows what’s up. This song in particular is at least as good as anything charting right now, and probably a great deal better.

What song reminds you of your first heartbreak?

I donno if it was my first “heartbreak” but it was the first time he did the dumping and not the other way around. I’d invested time and expressed to him what I thought was love.

It wasn’t.

I was so desperate to be loved that the attention he paid me (which wasn’t a lot because he was more interested in applying bronzer and exercising bad taste than he was in paying attention to me) somehow made me think I was in love.

I wasn’t.

He liked peaches. For his birthday (or maybe it was like a 3 month “anniversary” 🙄) I made him homemade burnt peach ice cream, sat with him in my car at night to play him a love song by Rufus Wainwright called “Peach Trees,” and then read him a poem I’d written.

Not long after (or maybe not long before) he brought me to a long term care facility and introduced me to his mother.

Within a week of that meeting he dumped me.

By text message.

He wouldn’t respond to my text replies which was beyond rude. Back then, you had to work three times harder to send text messages than you do today because mobile phones were flip phones (if you were cool enough) and they all had solely numeric keypads. So just saying “HELLO” to someone by text message meant tapping out 4, 3-3, 3-3, 5-5-5, 5-5-5, 6-6-6, and pressing “OK” to send.

Imagine tapping out, “WHAT DID I DO? I DON’T UNDERSTAND! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME ARE U MAD AT ME? CALL ME BACK! ARE YOU STILL THERE?”

My god, my poor thumbs.

And he wouldn’t answer my calls. I’d leave message after message hoping he’d call me back so I could hear that sweet polyphonic ringtone I’d spent money on and assigned to his number. Not a single call and I know he wasn’t out of minutes.

Proper ghosted me before “ghosted” was even a word.

I wrote the guy poetry, and he dumped me by text. I told him I loved him and he stopped returning my calls. I played meaningful, lyrical music for him, and he listened to the goddamn Pussycat Dolls on purpose(1).

“This song makes me think of us!” He’d say when he’d play “Stickwitu.” And he’d sing along, if you could call what he did “singing” which no one with a halfway trained ear would ever do.

The only useful thing to come out of that relationship, besides eventually my own self respect, is that, to this day, I’ve continued taking his vapid advice to shape and maintain my eyebrows. Ironically, doing so is an act of self care and therefore self respect.

I never wrote a love poem to another man since then, not even Husband.

So, yeah, stickwitme he didn’t.

But dodged a bullet, I did.

At the time, though? It sure felt like heartbreak.

(1) I mean we can all agree “Buttons” is great, but I draw the line there.

Describe your favorite summer as a kid using a single song.

Wow. So many good songs growing up. I used to listen to records in my parents' basement, with big headphones that had a big curly cord with a big auxiliary plug. Ike & Tina Turner. The Teardrops (the girl group my Aunt was in when she was a teenager). The Pointer Sisters.

Even before that I had a toy turntable and I'd play big 12" records with stories being read and songs being sung. "The Frog Prince" with Kermit the Frog comes to mind. Then there were the 7" read alongs with that bing that meant to turn the page. I especially remember a series of Gremlins 7" records that came with kids' meals at some fast food restaurant. I missed getting #4 and was DEVASTATED. Somehow my mom found it and completed my collection.

But if I had to pick a favorite song that reminds me of summer as a kid - a song that would've played through the speakers at the swimming pool, and on the radio in the hot car without air conditioning, and that Casey Kasem, who's would've talked about, it'd have to be Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This) by Eurythmics. The Google AI says: The iconic breakout single by Eurythmics, "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)", famously climbed to the #1 spot on Casey Kasem’s American Top 40 countdown in late summer 1983.

What song best matches the energy of today?

Now who the hell are these federal pricks? Hiding in the senate like a bloated ass tick Air-conditioned fuckstick loafers Sittin' in a room full of army posters

In the text messages I sent to friends with a link to this song, and in the reaction I posted to micro.blog about this song, I called it an essential part of our new Hit Parade. I said that, like the all of the most important art born of war, this song makes sure we don't look away when we most desperately want to, but aren't supposed to.

This country is dumb as fuck. And, like I’ve been saying for 10 years now, it’s going to get darker before it gets lighter.

Posting the video version here.